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Noise and Movement

by Essie Quoi

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1.
empty houzes 03:17
Circle around my body Talk me of out of feeling like myself Stare into my soul and steal, steal, steal Lie like you’re helping me Tell me it’s what i deserve Questioning if i am healthy Questioning what i am worth You make me feel special then you disappear Your whispers feel like daggers all up in my ears I hate the way you’re painted in my brain How long till your name stops causing pain I’m just saying… You could’ve stopped before you started You should quit haunting empty houzes Hoping that you find the peace you seek and leave Wipe me out of your memory Treat me like i’m a stranger Taste another who’s twice as sweet Make me suffer in silence Such violence has me questioning if i’ll ever understand feeling complete You make me feel special then you disappear Your whispers feel like daggers all up in my ears I hate the way you’re painted in my brain How long till your name stops causing pain I’m just saying… You could’ve stopped before you started You should quit haunting empty houzes Hoping that you find the peace you seek and leave
2.
somehow 03:08
i never noticed the slant in the hall, crack crack in the wood, or the wires in the wall the floor always feels like dancing and plants have never been so long now that i come to think of it, what is anything at all? the floor always feels like dancing and plants have never been so long now that i come to think of it, what is anything at all? ———— i’m breaking my back, breaking the bank ain't nothin in there in the first place i’m happily broke in the dark corner paranoid it’s easy, it’s easy to lose your mind especially when you’re divine ——-- somehow i ended up here, all alone underground if i fall into the forest, does it make a sound? somehow i ended up here, all alone underground if i fall into the forest, does it make a sound? ---- i never noticed the tear in the blinds uh oh, air’s heavy with all the signs why’s the water still dripping? the lights, they flicker off and on how do i think nothing of it? how do i think at all? somehow i ended up here, all alone underground if i fall into the forest, does it make a sound?
3.
4.
romance,roses flower,fellow gotta kiss cowardice fear is static sleepless 66 whispered sweet nothings lovely, empty naked guilt My trouble is i analyze myself instead of living it Anyone who inhavits himself, cannot believe in objective thinking perfectionism is a slow death left: she had a mind like a box of fireworks and hands that played recklessly with matches she said “stop. let’s continue this conversation in bed” right: the toxicity of our city ah toxicity of our city romance,roses flower,fellow gotta kiss cowardice fear is static sleepless 66 whispered sweet nothings lovely, empty naked guilt My trouble is i analyze myself instead of living it Anyone who inhavits himself, cannot believe in objective thinking ----- my thoughts are like lines that never cross you protect my intuition And do the stars obey you?
5.
my mind 04:02
vs people and their motives and their issues and their egos you'll just find yourself alone thinking and reflecting on the promises from earnest hope i'm thinking too hard and feeling just as much when my eardrums explode, i’ll be left voiceless chorus this body never stood up on its own, these eyes could never sense the truth such rhythm in the way your heart beats, calling to my mind still looking for a place to call a home could i find a home in you? such tremors every time your heart beats, calling to my mind vs bathing in my badness while my brain develops blisters scathing slowly with my soul hoping that my savior lives within me cause i don’t trust these people i’m breathing real hard while peeling off my scars and when i’m all flesh and bone, i’ll be more myself than ever before chorus this body never stood up on its own, these eyes could never sense the truth such rhythm in the way your heart beats, calling to my mind still looking for a place to call a home could i find a home in you? such tremors every time your heart beats, calling to my mind outro (this body these eyes this rhythm this mind)
6.
there she found her distant place it was written all on her face her happily ever after the time faded with the wine bottles and their arms erupted from each side, from each side like an angry fountain the bones of his ego grew limbs on his face and the evidence of his self consciousness bore him, bore him a raggedy suit you try and you run like a wounded bird, trying not to fall so you better keep up and you better not get caught the time will come when you’ll fight and you’ll fall so rough, get back up, get up, get back up, get up there she found her distant place it was written all on her face her happily ever after drops which crackle, trading frequencies, liquids to solids, then quietness an absence which invades our homes i reach for the nothings there she found her distant place it was written all on her face her happily ever after
7.
basement 03:47
(mental noise) v1 what about this area makes you scared? is it me, is it her? don’t let the lady catch you slipping oohh interlude (mental noise) v2 face the paranoia, yeah beware that’s not love that’s just you you’re alone let it go no matter how you try it, you can’t turn off the mental, mental noise bridge the questions that we ask the answers that we fear we burrow our own graves before the time is near twirl around and gaze the garden’s nearly full of meloncholy daises
8.
plague 04:23
medicinal sweet poison crazy plague, plague mere sickness who holds the gun? who holds the bottle? who loads the gun? who fills the bottle? die choke beg for me i’m your dead uncle’s only brother bleed scar break break apart i’ll glue you back together with Elmers rambunctious we’re diving in don’t help us we like our skin drunk slip fall fall to defeat it’s your ecstasy, don’t you love it dream hard love cause your sacred heart’s drunk with love and filled with poison rambunctious we’re diving in don’t help us we like our skin
9.
10.
wise ones 04:45
we are the wise ones with a killer intent we long for someone to mellow our heads you look for shortcuts what do you think that this is? mmmm eh eh eh why now do you ask me questions you know the answer to? why have me looking crazy in public? is it fun for you? are you just sadistic? now you don’t care much you’re the “coolest” you wash the taste out to prove yourself remiss i’m like a small child, living in ignorant bliss mmmm eh eh eh why now do you ask me questions you know the answer to? why have me looking crazy in public? is it fun for you? are you just sadistic? looking back now i feel so petty.. where was my mind? but making excuses helps to cover up bruises so i’m fine yeah i couldn’t see it coming, i was younger then and so naive so how could i have sensed the knife tucked in your sleeve? we are the wise ones with a killer intent we long for someone to mellow our heads you look for shortcuts what do you think that this is? mmmm eh eh eh why now do you ask me questions you know the answer to? why have me looking crazy in public? is it fun for you? are you just sadistic?
11.
language 02:47
tick tock, it’s that time again for my heart to break in several pieces i’ve grown accustomed to this routine yet somehow it still burns me every time but the days go on and i’m feeling stronger if you speak my language then i hope you’ll find love said i hope you’ll find love sunrise and it’s half past noon i’d spent the whole morning dreaming about you cause i’d spent the whole six hours the previous night thinking up all the ways that i’d died oh but the days, the days, the days go on oh oh and i’m feeling stronger ah if you speak my language, then i hope you’ll find love said i hope you’ll find love
12.
i'm on the verge of tears then i hear my mother's voice she says "you need to be careful. because nothing lasts forever" so i hold myself tight and tell myself it's alright i'm a strong girl i cannot be affected nothing lasts forever nothing lasts forever i just want to jump someplace between consciousness wandering far from man…how beautiful i am so i hold myself tight and tell myself it's alright i'm a strong girl i cannot be affected nothing lasts forever nothing lasts forever

about

there's this idea in quantum theory that for every particle, there is an equal and opposite anti-particle, and that when the two meet, they annihilate each other. there's also this concept in psychology called individuation which is "a process of transformation whereby the personal and collective unconscious are brought into consciousness to be assimilated into the whole personality." for Noise and Movement, i bring these two ideas together.

credits

released April 7, 2017

Composition, performance, production - Essie Quoi
Live drums, production, engineering - Lee Marchenko


*merci à:
dieu!
lee marchenko
katie wood
alan germani
munier nazeer
ted coffey
kristina warren
allan weberg
june shuffett

and [friends and family] for making me.

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about

Essie Quoi Brooklyn, New York

the dismal yet cinematic realm that is my mind.

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