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stetx
02:09
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gOLDfish
02:24
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5. |
Hiraeth
04:19
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We had talked about dreams, and music, and humans, and stars. We talked about the sun, just as it began to rise. By then, my eyes were puny circles afloat my face and my voice, as grainy as sand; yet every time I closed my eyes, I opened my mind to the possibility of his touch. It was like inhaling hallucinogens, a mirage of euphoria washing over me like water. He distracted me into happiness for a while.
We’d swim freely, circles of dancing, bourbon ginger, Balkan folk serenading us gently;
our cheeks ablaze from constant laughter,
bodies molded into one another.
But just as every day brings about darkness, so did our romance. It became difficult to entertain the endless cynicism he sprouted.
He was self-loathing and fragile. And I, so foolishly, wanted to be the glue between his many cracks. I wanted to be his breath of fresh air. More than anything, I wanted to teach him to love himself.
Over time, he developed an abysmal hatred for himself. He felt, more strongly than ever, that he had so much to “fix” about himself. And because he had so many problems internally, he became intolerant. He became terse, and rude, and senselessly closed off. He preferred to isolate himself from the world than to have to be himself with anyone else.
It ended abruptly, as if in the middle of a sentence. Thoughts and questions lingered in the air unanswered. There was no mystery and therefore no curiosity. And the forces of nature that once brought us together then drove us apart.
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